I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
