dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
