babies were throwing up all over the place
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize