The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize