Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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