I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You have to summon your inner elephant
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Randomize
