So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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