i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Come share oat with me in your robe
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
