Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
