i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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