I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
