I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
