Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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