I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
