Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
