We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
