we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
