You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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