god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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