the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
