We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
