take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
