never play flip cup with pint glasses
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
