dude i'm inner monologue high
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
