Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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