Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
