Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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