isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
