2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
