If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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