So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
