He had one of those small greek statue penises
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
