I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
