I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
