if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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