Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
