If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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