Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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