Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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