It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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