can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize