he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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