Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
