I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
