My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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