Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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