How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just had sex on a roof
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
