just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
