Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
