Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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