shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This is the high leading the old right now
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
