Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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