i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
