One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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