It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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