Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
