just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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