I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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