I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
