Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
