So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
