Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
