So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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