singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We need to get me chipped asap
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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