Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
