I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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