I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
