my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
