no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
