If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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