I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Bring me that man meat
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
