so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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