Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
